


Books and Chocolate

by SlytherinSweetheart (Cherrypie62666)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Amortentia, At least there is variety, Don't worry, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Foul Language, I apologize in advance, I'm bad at tags so just read it, M/M, Marauders' Era, Only Slightly Angsty, Pretty sure I broke the lexicon on most swear words used in one fic, Slow Build, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, This thing got away from me, What Have I Done, ish?, like a lot, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-01-18 04:04:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12380529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherrypie62666/pseuds/SlytherinSweetheart
Summary: “How lovely,” Sirius drawled sarcastically, slipping even further down into his seat.Why couldn’t it have been a deadly poison?  At least that might come in handy later on, not that he foresaw himself poisoning folk.  Honestly, though, a love potion?  The girls in school were already boy-crazed enough to last him a lifetime.  Merlin knows what adding the knowledge of how to make a love potion into their repertoire would mean for the lot of them.  Certainly nothing good.“What do you think Evans is going to smell in her potion,” James asked him as they awaited the next step, staring longingly at the redhead sitting on the opposite side of the room.Sirius pursed his lips in mock contemplation, not that the daft fool noticed.  “Hm, probably disappointment and dirty Quidditch uniforms, if it’s anything like your stench on a daily basis.”





	1. A Familiar and Comforting Thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovelies! This is indeed my first wolfstar, though clearly not my first in this beautiful fandom.  
> Hope you enjoy<3

Sirius Black sat in the potion’s classroom with a bored look on his handsome face, stormy grey eyes flicking about the area as he took in the other students all quietly cutting their ingredients or mixing their cauldrons.  Potions had never really interested him much, too much work for not enough reward, and this potion was perhaps the least interesting one they’d concocted yet.  Amortentia.  The love potion every giggly bird dreamed of getting to brew come sixth-year.

They had already had a good whiff of the stuff in first-year introductions, and like all eleven-year-old wizards, Sirius smelled things that reminded him of warm memories and better times.  Which is to say, he hardly smelt anything at all.  The scent of his favorite dessert at the time, treacle tart; and something he associated with a faded memory, the cologne of his childhood tutor that came three times a week when he was six, thankfully removing him from the fleeting and angry whims of one Walburga Black.

That was the end of his curiosity, all he needed from the potion from then until the end of time.  Who really gave a rat’s bollocks what scents he fancied now, he’d gone three years chasing girls knowing well enough just what his nose did and did not enjoy smelling.  It was preposterous that he might catch a whiff now and suddenly epiphany some greater truth from it all, find the one female he’s supposedly meant for and magically wish to settle down.  If there was one thing Sirius knew, it was that no bint was ever going to be enough to keep him satisfied for long.

Flicking his gaze back to the little rows of expertly prepared ingredients, he heaved a sigh.  James Potter, his best mate and fellow Marauder, was perhaps one of the only blokes in the class who was equally excited to finish the bloody love potion; and it wasn’t because he wanted a good mark.

“Can you pass me the, er…”

“Pearl dust,” Sirius informed his silly love-sick friend, flicking his wand so the bowl of glimmering dust levitated over without him having to move any closer.  He’d already completed his half of the work, memorizing the instructions on top of prepping the ingredients, so it was really up to James now whether or not it succeeded or failed.  “Stir four times counterclockwise and let simmer in for three minutes.  If done correctly, the potion will turn gold.”

James grinned as he stirred the potion, glasses fogging slightly from all the steam.  “Look, Pads, it’s turning gold.”

“How lovely,” Sirius drawled sarcastically, slipping even further down into his seat. 

Why couldn’t it have been a deadly poison?  At least that might come in handy later on, not that he foresaw himself poisoning folk.  Honestly, though, a love potion?  The girls in school were already boy-crazed enough to last him a lifetime.  Merlin knows what adding the knowledge of how to make a love potion into their repertoire would mean for the lot of them.  Certainly nothing good.

“What do you think Evans is going to smell in her potion,” James asked him as they awaited the next step, staring longingly at the redhead sitting on the opposite side of the room.

Sirius pursed his lips in mock contemplation, not that the daft fool noticed.  “Hm, probably disappointment and dirty Quidditch uniforms, if it’s anything like your stench on a daily basis.”

Without even looking, James hit his chair with a spell that pulled it out from underneath him, sending Sirius sprawling onto his arse.  “You should really avoid sitting that way, Pads, you know it isn’t safe.”

Straightening his uniform, he straddled the chair backward, glaring daggers at his mate.  “Honestly, Prongs, what does it matter what she smells?  Do you think it’ll really stop you from pursuing her should it not coincide with Eau de Potter?”

“Hardly,” James snorted, turning and offering a shit-eating grin.  “It would be nice, though, knowing it’s inevitable.”

“I disagree, I rather don’t like being told I’ve no choice in the matter.”

Rolling his eyes, James patted him condescendingly on the shoulder.  “You’ll understand one day when you’re older, Pads.  Can’t go on chasing tail for the rest of your life.”

“I can try,” Sirius muttered bitterly, crossing his arms over the back of the chair and resting his chin on his forearm.  Flicking his gaze toward the bubbling cauldron, he motioned with his head.  “Time to add the moonstone, mate.”

James obliged, grabbing for the small vial of powder and sprinkling it carefully over the liquid like he was handling combustible chemicals.  “How many stirs,” he asked nervously, chewing the skin of his lip practically raw in the process.

Sirius chuckled in response.  “Merlin, Prongs, it’s not bloody well going to explode in your face.”

“I don’t want to mess it up,” James sniffed haughtily, glancing at the open textbook and giving the liquid six clockwise turns.  “If you’re not going to assist me, the least you could do is refrain from having a laugh at my expense.”

“Cheer up, old chap.  If all goes wrong and you cock-up, you can always catch a whiff from Remy’s cauldron.  You know he’s bound to get top marks.”

Pursing his lips angrily, James disregarded the jab and reexamined the textbook with a critical eye.  “Says it should be pale pink.  Well, what do you think, is this pale to you?”

Heaving a sigh, he sat up straighter, just enough to see over the top of the cauldron’s lip.  “Yes, Jamie, it is indeed the color of a blushing virgin on her wedding night.  You do understand Amortentia is by far the simplest potion to create so long as you follow the instructions?  They only make us wait to brew it since it’s a class one and highly dangerous when used irresponsibly.  Who in their right mind would want to use it at all is beyond me, probably a daft cow in need of a good shag.”

“Can you be serious for more than two fleeting seconds in your lifetime, Pads?”

“I’m always Sirius,” Sirius responded cheekily, earning a scowl so deep and unamused the Gryffindor could have given McGonagall a run for her money.  “Kidding aside, add these three vials here and stir one turn either direction for each.”

“Thanks,” James muttered, face still sourly puckered.  When the potion bubbled and turned opalescent, his smile returned.  “That’s good, yeah?  I’m doing it right, then?”

“Bravo, James, you seem to have found your calling.”

“Oh, piss off, you bloody blighter,” he huffed, pushing his glasses further up his nose.  When Sirius pouted and batted eyelashes at him apologetically, he rolled his hazel eyes.  “Come on, then, what’s the next step?”

Grinning in triumph, Sirius preened as he handed over the final ingredient.  “Crushed rose thorn, which I might add is perfectly crushed, and not an easy feat to accomplish; all ready to be added.  Once stirred, your potion is completed, you can pat yourself on the back for a job well done.”

James ignored his sarcastic undertone and eagerly added it to the mix, the milky white liquid glowing faintly as a swirl of steam shot out, spiraling clockwise as it reached for the ceiling.  Faint cheers erupted from most of the girls in the classroom simultaneously, Sirius glancing around to notice many other pairs were experiencing the same bewildering effects.

His eyes landed on Moony and Wormtail’s cauldron for a fleeting instant, the former looking rather grim as the latter boasted a besotted look on his chubby face.  “What do you suppose has got Remy in a funk,” Sirius asked the other with an elbow into his ribcage, startling James out of his own dreamy-eyed whiff.  “It’s like he’s just found out he’s attracted to the scent of dungbomb.”

Blinking owlishly, the bespectacled boy followed Sirius’ line of sight.  A wicked smirk curled his lips and he waved a flippant hand in response.  “Oh, he’s probably just sore his didn’t turn out how he’d like.  Not everyone can smell the beautiful fragrance of water lilies and apple shampoo.  Some of us get the scent of a daft plonker and have to deal with it.”

Furrowing his brow, Sirius turned questioningly to the shimmering potion, feeling a sudden urge to find out what all the fuss was about.  Not that he cared what it divulged, mind you, it wouldn’t suddenly change anything.  It was just satisfying the itch for scientific reasons, and nothing more.

Leaning toward the cauldron, his nose crinkled distastefully as he took an experimental sniff.  Heady aromas rushed up to greet him, eyes slipping shut of their own accord as an electric jolt shot straight into his groin. "Hng."

“Well, what do you smell, then,” James asked impatiently, pulling the other boy from his wanton thoughts.

Pursing his lips, Sirius sat back in his chair, a contemplative crease forming between his grey eyes.  “Well, I’m not quite sure how to describe it.  It’s not really anything I associate with any of the birds I know.”

“Perhaps it’s someone you’ve yet to meet,” James supplied helpfully, encouraging the flow of conversation while pretending to remain thoroughly disinterested.

Sirius couldn’t help the sense of familiarity that washed over him at the thought of it, shaking his head as he chewed on his bottom lip.  “No, I’ve definitely smelled all of these things in my lifetime.  Often, even.  I just don’t see how they could correlate to any one person.”  Smiling wickedly, he rubbed a thoughtful hand along his chin.  “Maybe this is the proof no one woman is enough for Sirius Black.  Guess I’m doomed to remain a bachelor for all time.”

“I hardly think that’s the case,” James deadpanned, shooting the gloating boy an exasperated look.  “Come off it, tell me what exactly it is you smelt.”

“Alright, alright,” Sirius grumbled.  “No need to get your knickers in a twist.”  Running a hand through his shaggy locks, his eyes clouded in thought.  “Well, first it was chocolate.  And what bint doesn’t like that?  Then it got strange, that smell the books in the library get, sort of musty and a bit like ink and parchment?  And finally, and I don’t see how this all ties in, I got a whiff of… cedarwood.”

James’ eyebrows shot up so high it was comical.  “Is that everything?”

“Yeah, and aside from the fact no girl I’ve ever met smells like…” pausing, his look turned horrified.  “Oh, bugger, Prongs, you don’t suspect it’s that old bat, the librarian, do you?  I know I had that dream about her in third, but I’m going to hex my own bollocks off if I’m doomed to that minger for the rest of my life.  Or hers, the old bird won’t live much longer, I suspect.”

The other boy gave him a strange look before bursting out into a fit of uncontrollable laughter, the skin of his tanned face turning a deep shade of crimson.  Tears sprung to his closed eyes, glasses hanging precariously from his nose as he gripped his stomach and doubled over.

Sirius blinked in confusion, watching the display for a moment before quirking a brow.  “Oh, sod off, you tosser, it’s not funny in the slightest.  I’m having a crises here, and you’re taking the piss.”

Waving a hand in the air, James shook his head and gasped for breath.  “No, no,” he wheezed between guffaws, “I’m really taking this quite seriously, mate.”

“I can see that,” Sirius muttered, rolling his eyes.

Straightening his disheveled appearance, James sighed happily, offering his friend an apologetic grin.  “Really, though, I don’t think you’ve got much to worry about, Pads.  I’m sure you’ll figure out whoever it is when the time is right.”  His gaze wandered for a fleeting second, another little smile curling his lips.

“What,” Sirius asked, turning around to scan the room for whatever it was his friend might be looking at.  Catching sight of Lily and her partner Margarette Bulstrode whispering to one another conspiratorially, he shook his head sadly.  “I hate to break it to you, Prongs, but the girl isn’t nearly upset enough to have discovered she’s doomed to love you for the rest of time.  I’m more than certain she’d be wailing on the floor if that were the case.”

Aiming a well-placed punch to his friend’s shoulder, James scowled fiercely once more.  “Oh, shut it, you git.  I’ll have you know I am already more than eighty percent through my plan to have Evans fall madly in love with me.  You know she spoke to me for five minutes the other day and didn’t roll her eyes once?”

“So you’ve delineated,” Sirius drawled, rubbing his sore arm gingerly.  “At this rate, the girl will be head over heels by the time you’re both middle-aged.”

“Laugh all you want, mate.  When you’re attending the wedding in a few years, we’ll see who was right and who was a knobber.  Now shut it and help me bring some of this over to Slughorn’s desk for grading.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, so, I might have used like 800 curse words. I like to think Sirius uses colorful language because he's just such a colorful person. :3  
> I have practically finished with the entire fic already, but since it switches POV to Remus and back again, I'm posting in segments. Joyous!  
> I'd say expect weekly updates, but I might get bored waiting and just post them willy-nilly. :D  
> The word count above means nothing, I'm pretty sure this baby caps out at around 12,000 words (of which 9,000 and 3/4 chapters are written. Wooh!)  
> So, hope it was fun.
> 
> Don't forget to chit-chat me up because I love to ramble. And visit me on Tumblr if that's your cup of tea. :3  
> Tumblr - Cherrypie62666


	2. A Little Time to Think

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Says I'll update weekly, turns around and updates immediately the next day.

Remus Lupin walked through the halls toward Gryffindor tower, shoulders slumped and undeniably depressed.  It wasn’t that anything had happened, per say; unless you count realizing your crush on your best mate is a little more serious (no pun intended) than you previously told yourself, and you’re doomed forever because he’s the farthest thing from bent that has ever walked the halls of Hogwarts in its entire existence as _something happening_.  Which, you know, he didn’t.

Sirius Black was not an uncommon person to develop a crush on.  He was devilishly handsome, with stormy grey eyes and a dazzling smile; thick, shaggy locks of raven hair and smooth, tanned skin.  Not to mention the fact he could charm the pants off anyone he talked to, and probably had done a few girls in their school if the rumors were to be believed. 

But that wasn’t why he found himself entranced by the other boy.  It wasn’t anything to do with artificial beauty or honeyed words spoken with a gentle smile.  No, his feelings were far less superficial and fickle, much to his chagrin and dismay.  They were, as it seemed, something that balanced precariously on the precipice between ‘just a crush’ and ‘head over tit for the sodding prat.’  Remus was loath to admit he was far closer to the latter than he'd ever let on.

Sirius Orion Black was an anomaly, wrapped inside of an enigma, served on a platter of complexity and garnished with a bed of subtle superiority.  Despite the various twists to his personality, the layers that combined in breathtaking and perplexing ways to create the picturesque whole, nothing was more rewarding than cracking open the newest nuance and delving inside to see just what made the Gryffindor tick.

The boy was cocky and boisterous, with a deep love for his friends and an even deeper hatred for anyone who ever dared to wrong them.  He could make you smile until it burned, laugh until you thought you might piss yourself, and then turn around and share the deepest and most meaningful conversations with you, every last drop of sincerity unbridled and unabashed.

He would listen better than anticipated whenever a problem arose itself, attempting to find solutions to said problems, misguided though they sometimes might be.  He was selfish, sure, at times downright incorrigible and insensitive, with a horrible temper and ice flowing through his veins. 

Still, more often than not, Sirius was kind; quick-witted and sharper than most, with an infectious laugh and a fiery, passionate soul.  Above all else, regardless of his discrepancies and quirks, turbulent emotions and past mistakes, Remus trusted Sirius with his life.

A lot of good it did for him, in the end.  Being one face in a sea of admirers, and a bloody bloke to top it off, meant very little when it came to Sirius Black.  As a best mate, Remus found himself one of few held above all others in the entire school.  As a love interest, there was a very good chance he sat lower than the gum stuck to the bottom of Severus Snape’s shoe.

And so, he allowed himself but a moment to mourn his losses, slipping away after class and wandering the halls as long as he could manage it.  The map kept him well away from his mates until his head was cleared of clutter, emotions settling back down as logic rushed its way in.

Unrequited though his feelings might have been, it was still preferred to have the git in his life than to watch him longingly from the sidelines.  That didn’t make it hurt any less, but it did mean he wasn't about to let himself sulk forever just because nothing would ever happen there.  Come the time he stepped through the portrait hole, his smile would glue itself back onto his face.  No sense in worrying the others over something he always secretly knew to be the truth.

An arm encircled his hunched shoulders, the same familiar scent of heady spice and wet earth assaulting his nostrils the very way it did earlier that afternoon in Potions, causing his heart to both leap into his throat and sink into his stomach simultaneously.  Flicking his amber eyes toward the other, he fought back the urge to grimace outright at the unwanted yet entirely wanted bodily contact.

“Wotcher, Moons,” Sirius asked in his typical cheery tone, grey eyes betraying the true depth of his concern for his friend’s recent behavior.

Pulling a tired smile to his lips, Remus tried his hardest to appear sincere.  “Hullo, Pads.  Not much, just knackered, is all.  Wishing I carried around a bit of pepper up potion for just these sorts of occasions.”

“Don’t even utter the word potion in my general vicinity for at least a month,” Sirius groaned back, looking positively tormented in the process.

Remus wondered briefly what it was the other boy smelt in his Amortentia to create such a forlorn reaction.  The thought it was probably better not to ask specifics flitted through his mind, so instead, he went a safer route.  “That bad, hm?”

“Merlin, if I have to listen to Prongs bloody prattle on about Evans for another minute, I’m going to off myself.  Honestly, Rem, you’d think there were only so many times one could compare someone’s eyes to a species of foliage before it began to even _feel_ redundant.”

“That’s our Jamie for you, lovesick and a total prat,” he quipped.

Sirius nodded thoughtfully in response, releasing his awkward hold on the taller boy and falling quietly into step with him.  The two made it the entire way to the portrait of the Fat Lady in unexpected silence, Remus mumbling off a quick ‘Exploding Bonbons’ by way of password, and stepping inside the commons before the other finally decided to speak.

“Are you alright, Moony,” he asked curiously, sparing a sidelong glance Remus’ way as they took the stairs up to the sixth-year boy’s dorm.  “I noticed you seemed a little glum earlier in class, and you left so quickly afterward, I hardly had the time to push in my chair before you were gone.”

Quirking a single brow, Remus shot his friend an incredulous look.  “Did you really push in your chair, Pads?  Because something tells me you’re pulling my leg.”

Despite the feeble attempt to have the other just laugh it off, Sirius grabbed his arm to stop him from slipping into the room, staring him down with a grave expression on his handsome face.  “Seriously, Rem, I was going to find a way to help cheer you up, except you disappeared without a trace.  I’d have used the map, but miraculously you are the person James gave it to last, and no matter where I searched, I couldn’t find hide nor hair of you. It’s like you were purposefully avoiding us.  Or was it just me?”

“I was in the library,” Remus replied with a smile, shaking his head as if the very idea was simply absurd.  “Honestly, Sirius, why would I go out of my way to avoid you lot?”

A crease formed between Sirius’ brows, grey eyes clouded and flickering with hurt.  “Were you?  That’s funny, I thought as much and checked the library first off but didn’t see you.”

“Strange, I was in my usual spot,” he lied unabashedly, not even flinching under the other’s critical gaze.  “I guess you must have overlooked me there.”

“I guess so,” Sirius drawled, releasing his hold and stepping away.  “Well, then, I guess I was just overreacting.  If you’ll excuse me, I just remembered I forgot my bag back in Divination.”  Turning on his heel, he sauntered back down the stairs and across the commons, throwing open the portrait with a loud crash that frightened a couple of first years playing a game of exploding snap.

Heaving a tired sigh, Remus raked a hand down his face.  It wasn’t that he wanted to lie.  Lying was just the least hurtful thing he could think of to do to his mate.  Better Sirius hope there was a chance he was wrong about the situation than know his friend truly was avoiding him and everyone else that might try and fix the problem.  There was no fixing his emotions, two full years spent trying to push them down, deny their existence and ultimately keep them hidden was proof enough of that. 

All Remus wanted was a little bit of time to sort through his feelings every now and then, sans the tender touches and kind words that did more to hurt him further than help him out.  No, it was better this way.  Everyone deserved to throw up a wall or two to keep themselves safe from harm.  If it hurt someone else in the process, then so be it.  It was better than baring his soul and losing his friend for good.

Opening the door to their shared dorm, he let it close behind himself with a soft click.

* * *

 

Remus sat in the empty room atop his bed, leaned back against the headboard with his legs pulled up to his chest, lost in thought.  Sirius hadn’t shown up to dinner like he’d expected him to, which meant there was a very good chance his friend would stumble in just before curfew, reeking of flowery perfume and fire whiskey, and proceed to tell the rest of them how great his night had gone with stunning and descriptive detail.

If he didn’t know any better, he’d think the boy knew exactly how much it bothered him.

As it was, the clock on the wall read half past eight.  James and Pete had left him to sulk in private after he’d barely spoken a word in the Great Hall, and while he was grateful for their perceptiveness and understanding, he’d had enough of overthinking to last him through the remainder of the month.  What he truly wanted right then was an understanding presence and a distraction from his pain.

The door opened slowly as if sensing his plight, drawing his amber gaze over curiously to the far end of the room.  The last person he expected to see, and possibly the last he wanted near him right then, stood awkwardly in the entrance, as if unsure of whether or not he should venture inside.

After a beat of heavy silence, Remus cracked first, smiling warmly despite the horrible ache.  “Going to stand there all night, then?”

Smiling tensely back, the other shook his head.  “Just not quite positive I’m welcome right now, after being a git and all that,” Sirius replied hesitantly, running a hand through his hair and worrying a lip anxiously between his teeth. 

From what Remus could gather, the act was entirely genuine, and he felt himself crumble in response.  “Well, there’s one way to find out,” he murmured softly, patting the mattress beside his feet, even as his brain screamed at him for caving to the other’s charms.  It was hard to stay mad at Sirius, and whether or not the boy knew this and abused his power greedily, Remus found himself continuously powerless to stop providing comfort when he saw those sad grey eyes.

Crossing the room in a few, quick strides, the raven-haired boy joined him on the bed, curling up beside him like a dog seeking out its owner’s attention after being scolded for something it had done wrong.  Legs tucked beneath him, head resting on his shoulder, Sirius apologized without speaking a single word, knowing all too well his actions would speak for themselves.

Perhaps it was part of his punishment for keeping his feelings secret for so many years, having to deal with the backlash and confusion from all of his disappearances whenever things began to feel a little too overwhelming.  Seeing the hurt look on Sirius’ face and knowing it was because of something he'd done, but being unable to prevent it without ruining their friendship permanently, was the heavy price he was willing to continue paying.

Uneasiness and remorse stirred in Remus’ stomach but he fought them back down, dropping his head atop his friend’s with a small sigh.  The heavenly scent of spicy sweetness enveloped him, eyes slipping shut as he breathed in a sense of familiarity and calmness he’d always come to associate with his dear Padfoot.  “Did you eat,” he finally asked after a few minutes of silence, curiosity getting the better of him.

Sirius shifted a little closer, repositioning his legs so they spread out in front of him.  “In the kitchens, yeah.  Reckoned the elves would already be sending out dessert by the time I got back.”

“Where did you go?”

“Prefect’s bathroom,” he chuckled, knowing good and well Remus was seconds away from either lecturing him about the abuse of knowledge or sighing regretfully for giving him the password in the first place.  “And before you say it, I know I shouldn’t have, but a good soak in the private tub really helps ease the tension.”

“I’m glad my slip up could be of benefit to you,” Remus drawled, secretly glad the answer wasn’t one that was going to break his heart instead.  It served him right if it ever did, for caring in the first place.  He knew good and well what Sirius was like, but that didn’t stop him from trying his best to listen intently with a smile on his face.

Lifting his head and disrupting their position, Sirius looked over at him with curious grey eyes, the hint of a frown creasing his brow.  “Can I ask you a question, Rem?”

Cracking a smile, Remus shrugged.  “You just did.”

“I mean another one.  If that’s alright.”

Feeling a hint of trepidation, he nodded.  “Okay, then.”

Pursing his lips, Sirius appeared to mull something over for a moment.  “Earlier, before we got into it about you vanishing without I trace, I mentioned how I saw you looking a little down and out.”

“Ah,” Remus replied in all his articulate glory.

“What.”  Pausing, he swallowed visibly.  “What does Amortentia smell like to you?  It can’t be that bad, can it?”

The genuine concern and lack of disgust he saw told him the other hadn’t figured it out, at least not concretely enough to physically reject his touch.  Perhaps it was just an innocent inquiry, floored by the fact Remus had been acting strangely enough to give substance to the concern in the first place.

Forcing a smile onto his lips, he lifted his shoulder in a shrug.  “It was pleasant enough, but not really anything familiar or extraordinary.  I couldn’t begin to guess who or why, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Sirius hummed in contemplation.  “If it’s not that, then what?”

“Really, Padfoot, you know you’re one of the first I’d tell if something was bothering me.  I’m sure you’re just reading into something that was never there, to begin with.”

Sighing heavily, Sirius laid his head back down with a thwap.  “Alright, I’m going to believe you this time, but only because I couldn’t begin to guess why you’d lie.  It’s not like anyone cares who you fancy.  If you happen to fancy anyone at all.”

“I’m far too busy keeping the three of you out of trouble to worry about fancying anyone,” Remus said with a chuckle, patting his friend softly on the thigh.

“D’ya mind if I stay like this a little longer,” Sirius asked while yawning, snuggling closer like he craved the warmth.  Perhaps he did, though Remus didn’t kid himself thinking it had anything to do with him.  As if reading his mind, the other boy hummed quietly in response.  “You always smell so nice, like sweets and books and… what is that?  It’s comforting.”

“Ink,” he guessed, earning a gentle shake no.  “Citrus tea, or maybe the vanilla in that shampoo I use?”

Sirius turned and sniffed his chest sleepily, causing a blush to heat his cheeks.  “No, it’s earthier than that.  I feel like I know exactly what it is but am drawing a blank.”

Placing his hand over the other’s nose, he stopped the gentle progression traveling up his side before it landed the two of them in a rather awkward position.  “Pads, just because you can transform into a dog doesn’t mean I approve of you acting like one and getting into my personal space.  They’re called boundaries, you should learn them.”

“That’s it,” Sirius cried, grabbing his hand and bringing it over for closer inspection.  “Whatever you have on your skin is the thing I’m talking about.  Is it a lotion or something?”

“Sometimes I put a cream my mum gave me on them when my hands start to dry out.  Smells like trees, but works well enough,” he mused.

Sirius sat up and looked at him oddly.  “Trees,” he parroted back.

Remus crinkled his nose.  “Yeah, it's made with cedarwood oil.  Supposedly good for a number of things if the muggles are to be believed.”

Without another word on that matter, Sirius rose to his feet, a strange look playing out on his face.  Before Remus could even hope to call out to him, he fled the room, leaving the werewolf to sit and wonder just what it was he had said or done to shake his friend so thoroughly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is where I cursed myself for never allowing any characters I write about to catch a break.  
> Oops.
> 
> He'll be fiiiiiiine. Eventually. :3
> 
> Side note, I said this was a four chapter fic. I'm a liar. A horrible, terrible, no good liar!!!  
> Upon finishing the final chapter, I have deemed it not enough. Alas, such is life.  
> So, I'm going to add some content in the middle, because why not? and then stretch this baby into, eh, 6 chapters? 7? 20? Who knows.
> 
> Lovely comments make me update faster. It's scientific fact<3


	3. A Sirius Problem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woooooh, and here is where I probably completely change how anyone thought this was going to go. :D :D :D

There was only one person Sirius could think of to turn to while in the middle of this horrible crisis.  If he remembered correctly, he’d last seen the prat playing chess with Pete in the commons, so that’s where he headed first.  Fleeing the room like there was a fire lit under his arse, he raced down the steps and stopped before his mates, breathing hard and fast, and not just from exertion.

James didn’t even look up from his move as he took Pete’s rook.  “Wotcher, Pads?”

Balling his hands into fists, he shot his supposed best mate a horrible glare.  “Prongs, who do you know that smells of chocolate, books, and cedarwood?”

“That’s easy,” Pete interrupted, moving his final pawn right into a trap.  “It’s Remus.  Why?”

James at least had the decency to look sheepish as he rose from his seat slowly.  “You got to that conclusion faster than I anticipated, mate,” he stated hesitantly, raising his hands in a placating gesture.  “Now, I know you’re probably sore-“

“You’re damn right I’m sore,” Sirius barked out, causing the two of them to flinch.  “You knew, didn’t you?  My best mate, or the person I thought was my best mate, I was clearly wrong on that part, withheld paramount information from me!”

“Pads-“

“Didn’t you,” he asked accusingly, voice dropping in pitch to an icy sort of calmness.

“Yes,” the bespectacled boy responded quietly, resigning himself to his fate.  “I knew instantly.  So, perhaps I did.”

Sirius blinked a few times as the weight of the words sunk in.  There had always been that _slight chance_ that James was just too embarrassed for not knowing right off the bat that he didn’t bring it up later.  The fact that he did, knowingly, was like a punch straight to the gut.  In an instant, that hurt burned into an uncontainable rage.

“Are you bloody thick, Potter?  What in Merlin’s name is _wrong_ with you?  How could you do that?  To _me_?”

James ran a hand through his unruly locks, looking positively tormented.  “Look, mate, I’m not going to pretend that I didn’t.  I just… would you have done it?  Said anything?”

Sirius threw his hands up in exasperation.  “Of course I would, you bloody plonker.  Because I’m your _friend_.”

“I mean really, Padfoot,” James retorted calmly, looking far more serious than usual.  Even his hazel eyes held steely determination.  “Think about it for a second.  Would you, if the situation was reversed, tell me something that could upend my entire worldview, or would you let me come to it in my own time?”

He made to respond ‘a mate would do it,’ but something held him back, mouth slamming shut before his emotions got the better of him.  James Potter was a lot of things, but intentionally cruel to his friends wasn’t one of them.  He made stupid decisions, and at times took it upon himself to withhold the things he thought might seriously harm them, but it was never just for a laugh.  If he thought it was the right choice, not even Sirius could change his mind.

Instead, he vocalized his other issue, one he didn’t even know he had until that very moment.  “And who are you to say what will and will not upend my views, Prongs?  Are you going to tell me how to feel about it all as well, then?”

James’ face went blank in an instant, cocking an incredulous eyebrow.  “Have you met yourself, mate?”

“So, because you deem something to be revolutionary, that means the rest of us have to follow suit,” he snarled, feeling a wave of strange defensiveness course through his veins.

Never in his life had he seen James shut down so fast, looking both remorseful and vindicated at the exact same time.  “Excuse me for trying to protect my friend.”

Neither spoke, neither moved, both too unsure of what to do next.

Pete, who had been quietly watching with a confused look on his face, broke the heavy silence first.  “I don’t know what this is about, and I’m sure it isn’t my business, but I think Prongs is right, Padfoot.  Sometimes you don’t tell people things you don’t want to hurt them with.”

“Oh, piss off, you wanker.  What are you, my-”

James cut off his angry attack with a sharp look, stepping in front of the cowering boy protectively.  “Sirius, I know you’re upset, but you leave Pete out of this.  He’s nothing to do with it.  If you want to verbally abuse anyone, take it out on me.  I know-“

“Oh, do you, James,” Sirius asked snidely, leveling his mate with an icy cold gaze.  If there was ever a time his pureblood tendencies reared their ugly head, it was when he was furious.  “What is it that you bloody well know?  I’m dying to hear how justifiable your actions were because saint Potter deemed it true.” 

When the other didn’t respond, he laughed humorlessly, a horrible sound dripping with contempt.  “Here’s a little tip for you, Jamie.  The next time it involves anyone else, do them a favor and stop trying to help.  The truth may be a bitter pill to swallow, but at least you aren’t the arse who kept it from them.”

Turning on his heels, he stormed out of the commons, desperate for a place to clear his head.

* * *

He found himself up on the seventh floor, pacing in front of the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy, wondering how long it would take for someone to come looking.  The small corridor located in a secluded area was the only place his rage-filled brain could think up to go for a moment’s reprieve so close to curfew and not be bothered.  No one really had reason to look at the lone picture, and the hall was so detached from any of the classrooms, hardly anyone knew it existed at all.

Not that that stopped the Marauder’s map from finding you, should one of them check for him there.  It was perhaps the first time since creating the bloody thing that Sirius regretted its completion.  “If only there was a place we hadn’t charted yet, then I wouldn’t show up at all.”

A strange noise sounded behind him, causing him to turn and stare at the door that shouldn’t have been there, but was.  Large, oak from the look of it, with big iron wrought handles in the center that divided the arch-shaped thing into two smaller pieces; the door sat taller than the one in the Great Hall, imposing and hard to miss. 

Even as the logical part of his mind told him strangely appearing doors were probably bad news and should be left alone, the adventure junkie in his heart demanded he investigate at once.  Who was he to deny himself such a perfect opportunity for exploration, the fact that no one knew a room existed in the first place so it wouldn’t show up on the map made it all the better.  Pushing it open, he stepped inside.

The room itself was smaller than he anticipated, not that he really wanted or needed more space, just that such a large door really didn’t look like it would hide such a little area.  As his stormy eyes swept over the strange contents, the comfy looking armchair by the crackling fireplace, the small table littered with old tomes and books, even the plush looking bed in the corner with its Gryffindor-esque linens, he came to realize that this space might harbor all the things he truly needed.

“A room with all that I require.  How fitting,” he mumbled, brushing fingers over the soft brown leather of the chair and plopping down into the seat.  With nothing but quiet peacefulness to surround him, the occasional pop of wooden logs or the roar of flames licking the red brick, Sirius was lost to his own thoughts.

It wasn’t so much that he was upset, betrayed was a better word for whatever it was that he was feeling.  James may have had his reasons, may have thought he was doing a service to protect Sirius’ fragile mind, but that was saying there was something wrong or bad with the situation in the first place.  That was the part he took issue with, the hurt he couldn’t ignore.

Did it come as a shock when realization steadily dawned on him that the boy he was pressed snugly up against smelled just as lovely and safe and heady as the Amortentia had?  That the repercussions of that realization meant these things were supposed to embody the very essence of whatever it is he deemed to be love?  Perhaps, but that had far less to do with the who and far more to do with their current relationship.

Remus had always been his safe place, in the same way that James was his partner in crime and Peter could be counted on to… well, to mess up and give them all a good laugh every now and then, even if it was slightly at the poor boy’s expense.  Remus was an anchor that kept him from floating off from the real world and remaining among the stars.

Anytime he was in need of a shoulder for comfort, a person to vent to, a calming presence to sit beside; Moony was there to chase away the darkness in the same way his namesake brightened up the bitter night.  It was no wonder the boy held a significant place in his heart, that these actions were enough to spur on ideas of love when nothing else in his life had ever given him such care and devotion before or since.

Did that mean he was _in_ love with Remus?  Perhaps, though he was of the opinion that these things only meant that there was a _chance_ for love to bloom.  How could someone truly know whatever it was that was stirring in their heart when they had never encountered anything more than a passing whim or a fickle desire? 

Love, to him, was a word one used when nothing else fit the bill accurately, and in that moment, he knew exactly what it was that he felt for his friend.  Gratitude, trust, acceptance, longing, curiosity, hope, admiration; and when it came to thoughts of losing him from his life, heart-stopping fear. 

If ever there was a person Sirius wanted to notice him or recognize his achievements, it was Remus.  Most other opinions were never enough to stop him from doing something or keep him on the straight and narrow.  When it came to Moony, Sirius always considered the werewolf’s opinion, at least a little.  If the day ever came, and he had come close to it in the past due to stupid mistakes, that he lost him forever, his entire world was sure to crumble before his eyes.

Not even James, the very first individual he felt a sort of kindred spirit with, a burning need for adventure and a love for breaking the rules just because the two could get away with it easily, was held in such high regard.  James and Sirius could argue until they were blue in the face, swear they would never forgive the other, and then turn around in a few days and act like nothing had ever transpired.  That was just who they were. 

If Remus was disappointed with him, his heart felt like someone trapped it in a vice and decided to see just how much pressure the thing could take before it exploded in a rain of gore and fleshy pieces.  That didn’t stop him from being a prat on a constant basis; it was in his nature to be selfish and demanding of attention regardless of who it hurt in the process.  But he was aware of this and made sure to apologize for his moments of disregard in a very Sirius Black kind of way.

Eyes began to burn from staring into the dancing flames, Sirius shaking the lingering thoughts from his head as he remembered everything that had transpired that day.  He had gone from skeptical of a potion dictating his future to wondering what it meant for him if the one he smelt was also the one person he didn’t know how to approach or woo.

What does one say to entice someone who knows everything there ever was to know about them, had seen them at their darkest times, ugly and vulnerable and raw?  There was no hiding behind facades or speaking up your merits, only laying yourself bare and hoping the rejection wouldn’t kill you if they shot you down.  The idea alone was more terrifying than anything else.

In the end, it wasn’t something he was sure he could ever do.  If he even wanted to at all.

It was quiet in the room, far more than Gryffindor commons ever was, even in the dead of night with no one else around.  Silence had always felt suffocating to him before, the need to fill it with sound overwhelming ever since his early childhood.  The only time it wasn’t, the only memories he had where the urge to do something didn’t sit like an itch beneath his skin, insatiable and infinite, was when Remus Lupin sat there with him.

It was too late to head back now.  Without the cloak or map to guide him safely, he was bound to spend his Saturday in detention thanks to his terribly bad luck when it came to all things Filch and Mrs. Norris.  It was Friday night, so there was truly no need to head back, to begin with; and part of him wasn’t even sure if he was ready for it. 

Rising from the chair, Sirius made his way to the bed, crawling atop the covers and sinking into the pillows.  The only missing piece, the only thing that might keep him from a restful slumber, was the lack of sleeping noises that normally put his anxious mind at ease.

* * *

 

You’d think a room without windows would mean Sirius got to sleep in for once, but lo and behold, he’d stumbled upon a room with an automatic eight AM brightening system built in.  To say he was cross would be an understatement, even if a small part of him knew he was just trying to avoid the inevitable a little longer.

His uniform was rumpled from sleeping in it, his hair no doubt a chaotic mess worse than James’ always seemed to be.  There was no chance in Hell Sirius would waltz into the Great Hall looking in such a state, so he did the only logical thing and slunk to the closest bathroom he could find to splash his paler than normal face and attempt to control the nest in his hair before hitting the kitchens for a cup of coffee and a piece of toast with jam.

Armed with what he’d always deemed to be the breakfast of champions sitting inside his happy stomach, the reasons to keep procrastinating were running thin.  He could argue his point that James never really got up earlier than nine-fifteen on a Saturday, that Remus was no doubt still sitting at the Gryffindor table drinking tea and reading the prophet, or he could stop arsing around and get on with it.  Sirius chose the latter.

The common room was mostly empty when he stepped inside, a couple of first-year students finishing up their homework over by the fire.  Taking the stairs two at a time, he hurried into the dorm, expecting to find at least one of his mates awaiting his arrival.  What he did not expect was a vacant space.

“Well, that’s a first,” he mumbled, sweeping over the area if only to assure no one was hiding in the shadows.  Why anyone would want to was a mystery, even to him, but never let it be said that Sirius Black wasn’t thorough.  Falling back onto his mattress, he heaved a sigh.  “And after I made sure to be back in a timely manner.”

The door burst open a few minutes later with a bang, startling him out of his dramatic moment with a gasp.  James stood in the entrance, panting hard, beads of sweat beginning to dot his brow, clutching a piece of blank parchment Sirius was pretty sure was actually the deactivated map in its disguised state.

“Wotcher, Prongs,” he asked, cocking a brow.  “The door is still on its hinges if you were hoping to break it down.”

“Where in Merlin’s arse have you been,” James howled, slamming the door behind himself with equal enthusiasm.  “We’ve been up since the arse-crack of dawn looking for you anywhere we could think of because, somehow, you avoided detection on the map until just recently.  Care to explain yourself, or do I have to hex the answers out of you?”  By the end of his little rant, the boy was standing in front of him, hazel eyes blazing.

Sirius cracked a smile at his angry friend.  “Oh Jamie, I didn’t know you cared so much.”

“Of course we do, you bloody sodding twat.  What, d’ya expect your best mates to find you’ve never come back and just sit on our thumbs awaiting his highness’ grand entrance?  What if something bad had happened, Black?  What if, Merlin forbid, you were bloody daft enough to go into the Forbidden Forest and no one ever knew?  What then?  I ought to punch you right in the cock for that.”

“Alright, Prongs,” Sirius sighed, raking a hand through his hair.  This was not the kind of welcome he’d expected, and certainly not from James.  “I get it.  I’m a right arse and you’re peeved.  I got held up past curfew and didn’t want to spend the night in detention, so I just waited until morning.  Didn’t know you’d get your knickers in a twist.”

James shook the map in his face.  “Where in the bloody hell were you, Padfoot?  Did you find a spell that makes the map ineffective or something?”

“’Hardly,” Sirius snorted.  “You know our map is foolproof.  Nothing; no disguise, nor cloak, nor bit of magic can ever hide you if you’re within these walls.”

“Well?  Were you out, then?”

“I was not anywhere the map could find me,” he admitted truthfully.

Falling onto the bed beside him, James ripped off his glasses angrily, digging the heel of his palms into his eye sockets.  After a few calming breaths and a pregnant silence, he put them back on and, without warning, punched Sirius directly in the face.

“Ow, James, you fucking cockhead.  That bloody well hurt,” Sirius hissed, clasping a hand over his steadily swelling cheekbone.  The hints of a large bruise could already be felt through his fingertips.  “If I wasn’t so nice I’d hit you back, prick.”

“You know you deserved it,” James snarled, clutching his battered hand to his chest.  “I don’t care how pissy you get with us, you don’t leave without telling anyone where you’re going or when you’ll be back and give us no means to find you.  Do you know how that feels, mate?  Do you know how much you worried me?  I don’t even think Remus slept much last night, he was waiting up for you to get back first.”

All the anger left his system at the mention of Remus, guilt steadily working its way into its place.  Chewing on his lip, Sirius’ shoulders slumped in defeat.  “I’m sorry, Prongs.  I guess I didn’t think about what it might look like.  If I had, I might have risked detention to get back.”  Glancing over, he cracked a wry smile.  “Guess you wouldn’t believe me if I said I didn’t intend to do any harm?”

Heaving a sigh, James patted him on the back.  “The worst part, mate, is that I already knew you didn’t.  Mad as you’ve ever been at me, you’d never do something like that to Moony or Wormtail without provocation first.  Ignore me for a week, yes, but never punish all of us unjustly.  That’s part of why I’m so pissed off right now.  Hurting everyone out of sheer stupidity and thoughtlessness.”

“Yes, I believe we’ve established that I’m a git,” Sirius drawled.

James pulled his wand out and magicked both of their wounds before smiling thinly.  “Well, at least you can admit it.  That’s a start.”

“I’ll take this as a sign I’m forgiven,” Sirius quipped.

“Only if I am,” James replied, elbowing him gently.  “Though only by me, I make no promises for Remy or Pete.”

Sirius grimaced.  “Pete I’m not afraid of.  Can’t say I feel the same about Remy.”  Turning to his friend with a look of utter seriousness, he placed a hand on his shoulder.  “If I die, I want to be buried with all of my things.  No one else gets to put their grubby mitts on any of it, you hear me?”

James nodded grimly.  “Alright, mate, it’s a promise,” he said, returning the gesture.  “And good luck.  He’s still out there, but if I see him around I’ll send him your way.  You’d do best to remain here and take it like a man.  Might ease the blow to a thorough hexing.”

“Here lies Sirius Orion Black.  At least he had a good run.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I deliberated over this one, poured over it with a worried mind and fine-toothed comb to try and figure out if I still wanted this chapter to head this route after I wrote it this way before ever posting the first chapter, or if I needed to bring this fic in another direction.  
> Your response has been SO lovely, and I don't want to build up a great foundation only to knock it all down with a shoddy ending, but this is where my logical brain said things would go. I wanted to make it awkward and drag out Sirius being unsure and whatnot, but this Sirius isn't unsure of anything aside from the meaning of "love" and changing that now doesn't feel right.  
> If you follow my works or know me as an author, you know I have 8,000 fics I write across a few smattering of fandoms, and I am always writing new things or different things with more ideas popping up every day. I already have like 12 other WOP fics updating betwixt my three pseuds (so slowly) and I've already settled myself on the idea of doing another wolfstar after this one, so I will finish my intended course and tip my hat to everyone who took the time to read this through to completion.  
> 2 chapters left, I'll continue to trrrrryyyyyyy to do these two justice. I really will.  
> Stay tuned for the next wolfstar as well, focused more on post-Hogwarts, pre-Azkaban. (Unrelated to this fic, I should probably mention that.)
> 
> Hit me up on Tumblr - Cherrypie62666


	4. I miss you when you're gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, that wasn't too bad of a wait considering I wrote two other things since. :D

To say Remus was upset would be an oversimplification of the issue.  He was devastated, without even really understanding the reasons behind it all.  Sirius was missing, James wouldn’t look him directly in the eye to explain why, Pete only stuttered and sweated when asked about it, and the map wasn’t helping to narrow down the search any more than the other two were.  Uncertainty was not one of his strong suits, and it was beginning to show. 

He’d spent the whole of the night sitting by the fire, waiting impatiently to see if the portrait hole would open to reveal his friend’s sorry face.  When warm sunlight finally peeked its way through the large windows in the commons, painting the room in its softly golden hue, Remus found himself woefully without more than a few fitful winks on the hardbacked couch, emotions so on edge his hands were starting to shake.

For the fifteenth time that day, he found himself wishing he knew where to look.  Nowhere came to mind, not that the map couldn’t locate someone instantly.  The thought that perhaps Sirius had discovered a spell to hide himself from view popped into his head on more than one occasion, as did the other possibility that death might be the only way to escape detection entirely.  Determined to remain ever optimistic, he decided to just search the entire school instead of twiddling his thumbs.

Remus wasn’t daft enough to go into the Forest to look for the boy without backup, so short of there and the bottom of the Black Lake, he’d combed over every last inch of the grounds he could manage with the most critical eye.  There wasn’t a sign of Sirius to be seen, which only managed to worry him to the point of wanting to retch all over the floor.  Unfortunately, that would do little in the way of productivity, so he held it in and moved on.  If he ever did finally find the berk, he’d wring his bloody throat.

It was well past three in the afternoon when Remus finally stumbled back into Gryffindor commons, exhausted and a little delirious, ready to fall into his bed and sleep until the last sixteen hours were either a distant memory or the other came back and apologized, whichever happened first.  Something told him the former was his best bet, seeing as how Sirius hardly ever apologized for anything he did.

The door creaked as he opened it, a gentle sigh escaping his lips as he shuffled over to his mattress in a half-asleep daze.  Perhaps, if he was lucky, no one would disturb him until it was time for dinner.  It was unlikely, but surely James and Pete knew better than to wake a grumpy werewolf in the middle of its nap?

“Remy?”  The voice came from somewhere to his right, causing him to jolt in surprise, pulling out his wand and spinning around so quickly he nearly stumbled over from the corresponding case of vertigo.  Warm arms caught him and kept him upright, the familiar and calming scent of cinnamon and earth blanketing his senses like a gentle caress.  “Woah, there.  You alright?”

Blinking owlishly up into stunningly grey eyes, he pulled his tired limbs away from the embrace, wobbling slightly as he went.  “You’re back,” he croaked out, voice a little rusty from lack of use.

Sirius raked a hand through his shaggy black locks, looking caught between sheepish and positively tormented.  “Yeah, have been for a while now.  Spoke with James, so I’ve already been thoroughly chastised, but you’re welcome to lay it on me all the same.  I was an insensitive git.  I didn’t think, as per the usual turn of events.”

Remus cracked a smile despite the situation being entirely uncalled for it.  “Did he hex you or hit you this time?”

“Hit, and I must say, his aim is getting better with each row,” Sirius mused with his own wry smile.  “In the face, too, which is a little below the belt, so to speak.”

Reaching out a hand, he brushed his fingertips over the surface of smooth, tanned flesh, tracing them down along the curve of sharp cheekbone.  “Doesn’t look like it,” Remus murmured, capturing the skin of his lower lip between his teeth as he assessed the untarnished area critically.  “One of you is getting better at your healing spells, I see.”

Sirius swallowed visibly before pulling away.  “That would be Prongs,” he replied shakily.  “I’ve no doubt he thinks it’ll come in handy wooing Evans further, at some point.”  A beat of thick silence stretched between the two of them, Remus watching the other with itchy, sleepy eyes.  Rubbing a hand across the back of his neck, the other boy flicked his gaze away.  “Are you not mad at me, then,” he asked, a bit timidly.

“Oh, I’m positively enraged at the moment,” Remus stated in a matter-of-fact tone of voice.  “But, I’m also far too knackered to even think angry thoughts at you right now, so you’ll have to settle for stewing in it a bit.”

A bark of sharp laughter made him flinch back, Sirius smiling so softly at him it caused his insides to somersault in response.  “You never cease to surprise me,” he breathed, stepping closer and tucking a bit of hair behind Remus’ left ear.

“Why’s that,” Remus mumbled, feeling the skin of his face already heating up from the small touch.  Leave it to Sirius to forget personal boundaries and make his heart beat uncontrollably with just a single, impulsive gesture.

Grey eyes bore into his, an oddly fascinated look playing out on the other’s face.  “You’re just… different from everyone else.  You never do things the way I expect you to, which is both refreshing and strangely infuriating.”

It was Remus’ turn to laugh outright.  “Yes, well, this doesn’t mean I’m not going to hex you into next year for putting us through something like that, even if it was accidental.”  He hummed in amusement.  “I have half a mind to force you to walk around with boils or something equally hideous so you’ll learn a little humility in the process.”

The other winced.  “I would deserve it if you did.”

Laughing once more, he shook his head, amber gaze going soft.  “But I am glad you’re fine.  And slightly curious as to where you’ve been that even the map couldn’t find you.  I searched the grounds, but no one had seen you nor knew of anywhere you could have gotten off to.”

“It’s kind of a long story, and I’m not sure if you’ll believe me,” Sirius admitted with another wry smile.

Grabbing hold of the other boy’s hand, Remus led him over to his fourposter and sat down on the springy mattress.  “Well, now you’re not getting out of telling me everything.  You know I can’t resist a good story, especially the hard to believe kind.”

Sirius chuckled.  “I figured as much.  Just fair warning, I’m not sure I can back anything up with evidence, but I swear it’s the truth,” he said in a rush, sitting down with one leg perched on the edge of the bed like an excited child. 

Rolling his eyes, Remus snorted derisively.  “I’m pretty sure I’ve heard that one about a billion times.  I’m quite used to your extravagant tales by now, Padfoot.”

“What, pray tell, is in the seventh-floor corridor,” Sirius asked him with a cocked brow.

“The one with the tapestry of Barnabas and nothing else?”

The boy nodded with a grin.  “Yeah, that’s the one.  Merlin, you’ve got a real knack for knowing vague parts of the school.”

Remus gave him a bemused look in response.  “Well, I am a prefect.  I do rounds, you know.  I need to.  And nothing is there, it’s just a tapestry and an empty corridor.  Why?”

Leaning in conspiratorially, Sirius’ look turned wickedly mischievous.  “What if I told you a room appeared there?”

“I’d say you’re bloody mad and clearly taking the piss,” Remus deadpanned.

Sirius scowled, looking more like a petulant child than normal.  “It did, though,” he muttered, obviously pouting at not being believed.

“That reminds me,” Remus said, tilting his head curiously.  “Why did you go off in the middle of the night?  James wouldn’t tell me more than you were cooling off and Pete looked like he regretted being part of it at all.  If I didn’t know any better, I’d say it wasn’t something I’m supposed to know about.”

The boy beside him tensed up, looking suddenly quite nervous.  Flicking his gaze away, he worried his lip between his teeth.  “There was just something I realized James might have done and went to see if it was the truth.  When he confirmed my suspicion, I got a little ticked and went to process things somewhere far away from the prat.”  Glancing back, he smiled thinly.

“Oh,” Remus mumbled, brow furrowing slightly.  “I… see.”

Sirius raked a hand through his hair roughly.  “I really am sorry, Rem.  I didn’t intend to stay off all night.  Had I just thought about it, I would have risked coming back.  I didn’t think about how it would look if I wasn’t showing up on the map for hours.”

“Has it,” Remus began then stopped, licking his lips nervously.  Part of him wanted to know while the other, larger part, was terrified of the answer.  “I mean.  That was pretty vague, Sirius.  Does it have something to do with… me?”

A strange look flickered through his grey eyes, Sirius chewing on his thumbnail as he appeared to mull something over for a moment.  Panic clutched his insides, silently holding a breath until the other finally turned to him and shook his head with a gentle smile.

“Not really, no.  Just James being a git.”

Uncertainty niggled in the back of his mind, but he pushed it down and nodded.  “Alright.  Good.”  Feigning a yawn, which then turned into an actual yawn, Remus covered his mouth with the back of his hand.  “Well, I’m actually pretty beat.  I think I’m going to have myself a nap before dinner.”

“Can I stay with you,” Sirius asked quietly, sending a jolt of pain straight into his chest.

Despite the thoughts running through his mind that it was probably the worst possible idea to agree, that it would undoubtedly crush him later on, Remus found himself nodding again.  “Yeah, sure.  Just don’t bother me while I’m sleeping, you know how cranky I become.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Kicking off his shoes, he climbed across the mattress, curling up on one side as he watched the dark-haired boy position himself against the headboard and stretch out his long legs.  “Are you going to be alright like that without anything to do,” Remus asked, blinking sleepy eyes up at the other.

Sirius smiled warmly, which was never good for his poor lovesick heart.  “Yeah.  I just wanted to be close to you for a little while longer.”

Cocking a brow in what he hoped looked like an incredulous fashion, though was probably more like a spasm of the forehead with half his face obscured by the pillow, he hummed in amusement.  “Careful what you say, Pads, or someone might think you’re in love with me or something.”

“I’m none too concerned with the opinions of others,” Sirius murmured softly, reaching out a hand and gently stroking his hair in a soothing manner. 

Amber eyes slipped shut, unable to keep them open any longer between the sensation of fingers caressing his scalp and the hours of sleep-deprivation and physical exertion wearing him thin.  A slow smile curled his mouth, snuggling deeper into the soft bed.  Just before he lost consciousness, he was almost positive he heard a whispered ‘Goodnight Moony’ laced with the warmth and affection he’d come to crave.

* * *

 

Eyelashes fluttered slightly as the touches of sleep slowly drifted from his foggy brain.  It was dark and warm, a heavenly scent he knew all too well filling his nostrils and enveloping him on all sides.  Cracking open one amber eye, he found himself curled up against Sirius’ chest, nuzzled into the fabric of his white shirt as the steady rise and fall of the boy’s breathing blew sweetly across his forehead. 

An arm was resting delicately across his hip, fingers brushing themselves against the small of his back.  Despite the sudden urge to press himself closer and remain there for a while, Remus pulled back, careful not to wake the other, suddenly very thankful it was he who awoke first.  As compromising as the position was for him, who knew how Sirius would react to the situation.  Cuddling with your male friend, even accidentally, was sure to embarrass anyone.

Sirius whimpered softly in protest as he removed the arm from his person, fighting back against the decision and attempting to snuggle closer.  The boy was like a dog, chasing the warmth of another just for the sake of avoiding the cold.  It would be cute if it wasn’t horribly frustrating for him, wanting to respond to the desperate call and share their heat.  Going against every last instinct he had, he begrudgingly scooted away.

The curtains had been drawn sometime after he fell asleep, only a single beam of light cascading through the soft blackness to illuminate the area.  He wasn’t sure of the hour, but with the room as quiet as it was, he figured it couldn’t have been late enough for James and Peter to come to bed yet.  There was still a chance he could grab dinner and smuggle something up for the other for whenever he awoke.

Glancing once more at the boy at his side, he made to leave.  A gentle crease formed between thick brows, eyes moving beneath lids as another frustrated sound left Sirius’ lips.  Remus held his breath, watching as he wiggled around in his sleep before rolling onto his back, face still scrunched up in distress.

It broke his heart, seeing his friend tormented like that at a time he should have been contented and carefree.  Like the very act of sleeping alone was difficult for him to handle.  Like Remus’ presence had been the only thing to bring the boy peace, even as he knew that couldn’t be the case.  It was probably just a bad dream.

Reaching out a hand, he brushed knuckles soothingly against warm skin, stroking the other’s cheek to calm his chaotic behavior.  It pleased him to no end when Sirius responded to his warmth, the hints of a soft smile playing out on his full lips as features slowly relaxed once more. 

“If only it were so easy to comfort you all the time,” he murmured, feeling his own mouth lift as the boy leaned in slightly to his touch.  “Something tells me I’m not quite the person you want, though.”

Even as it made his stomach flip and clench with sadness at the impermanence of it all, he relished the sensation of uninhibitedness that came with watching the boy he loved resting there safely.  Come the following day, and probably each day after, he’d have to be satisfied with looking from afar.  In that instant, blanketed by darkness and cocooned in a daydreamlike fantasy, Remus had everything he could ever want.

Gaze soft and dripping with tenderness, he leaned forward, pressing the briefest of featherlight kisses to Sirius’ brow.  His lips burned gently when he finally pulled back, as if leeching up some of the heat to keep it with him always.  If that was the one and only time his mouth would brush the other’s skin, he was glad to take a tiny piece with him as he went.

“Sleep sweet, Pads,” he whispered, tearing his eyes reluctantly away.  It was time to return to his reality, the place where Sirius Black was no more to him than one of his very best friends. 

Slipping from the dark enclosure, he grabbed up his shoes and made to leave the dorm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was 85% rewritten to have a less angry vibe to it.  
> I wasn't digging the angry method, even though it all ended the same way (the entire last section was 98% exactly the same) so I decided to try the Remus Lupin can't help but internalize all things instead of kicking Sirius' ass like he'd probably like to do.  
> What can I say, he's in looooooooooooooooove with the prat.
> 
> I will see about more than one more chapter. That totally puts off the confessions, though. 
> 
> Hit me up on Tumblr - Cherrypie62666


	5. My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made everyone wait forever, and I'm sorry!

Remus slid on his shoes in the doorway, sparing one last glance back toward the small crack in the hangings that had been left there by his disappearance.  He could just barely make out the curve of something lying in the darkness beyond, a flash of white and the rustle of linens as Sirius rolled in his sleep, no doubt still plagued by whatever strange dreams had him furrowing his brow and whimpering softly.  Heaving a small sigh, he turned on his heel and slipped out the door. 

The room below was abuzz with chatter, many of the occupants curled up on the various sofas in front of the roaring hearth, soaking in what warmth the flames allowed.  If he were to take a guess, judging by the occupancy and the level of darkness pressing in on the large windows along the wall, it was probably sometime after supper, though not so late to yet be after curfew.  Perhaps there was still some chance to sneak off to the kitchens for a snack of some sort and be back in time to avoid-

Before he could even make it the full way to the bottom of the steps, James was upon him, an odd expression playing on his tan skinned face.  “Wotcher, Moons," he asked in a tight voice, gaze floating up to the door for an instant before snapping back to him.  "I see you finally found out Sirius is back.  Is he alright?  Did you hex him into next month?  The map showed you both in one place for a long time, so I wasn’t sure Wormy and I should come up and disturb you two if you were still having a go at him.  He is alright, though, I hope?  Deserving as he is for a good _redactum skullus_ or stickfast, he does mean well, and I-”

Remus held up a hand to stop the flurry of questions before they could spin out of control.  “Prongs, relax.  Breathe,” he murmured, the hints of a smile drawing his mouth upward.  “Nothing happened.  I was too tired to kill the prat, so I took a nap instead.  He seems to have fallen asleep in the process, and I’m not one to attack an innocently sleeping individual, unlike some people I know.”  He finished with a pointed look, not that one was needed.

James smiled crookedly at that, running a hand through the untamed mess he called hair.  “Right.  Right… So, did the idiot tell you where he’d gotten off to?  He didn’t to me, but I wasn’t exactly in the asking mood between wanting to throttle him and actually doing it.”

“Actually, he did,” Remus replied with a chuckle.  “But you wouldn’t believe it if I told you.  I’ll let him do the honors, you know Padfoot and his ostentatious stories.  Probably came up with a whole new tale of absurdity that is sure to dazzle and woo its audience in a very-“ He made to leave and continue on toward the portrait hole as he spoke, but James blocked his path with an unusual sort of forcefulness, cutting off the rest of his train of thought. 

Another odd look spasmed on the boy's bespectacled face, a mixture of alarm and tension that shouldn't have been there.  It gave him pause, brow furrowing slightly as he stared back at his mate with a wary gaze, awaiting whatever other sorts of nonsense that were sure to give him a headache.  It was clear from the way he shifted his weight from foot to foot, mouth forming a thin line, that he was anxious.  Something else weighed heavily on his mind, something that was difficult for him to broach. 

Smiling crookedly once more, James scratched his cheek idly in thought, hazel eyes flicking about the place as he spoke.  “So, was there anything… I mean, did he happen to…” flicking them back to Remus’ amber ones, he finally narrowed his eyes in a conspiratorial squint.

A beat of silence passed before Remus took it upon himself to fill it.  “Er, Prongs," he said with a kind smile, tilting his head to the side in a curious fashion.  "I’m not the best at figuring out half-formed sentences, and unfortunately, I’m pants at Legilimency, so you’ll just have to come out and say whatever it is that’s on your mind.”

James seemed to start suddenly at that, the whole of his body going from the stiff and awkward tautness of a person awaiting something unpleasant to the usual fluidity and ease he normally pranced around with.  Stepping out of the way, he sidled up to the slightly taller boy and threw an arm over his shoulders, giving it a good shake.  “Sorry about that, mate.  It really isn’t pertinent anyhow.  What say you to the two of us heading down to the kitchens for a quick bite and maybe some leftover treacle tart?”

Remus made a noncommittal noise in his throat, pushing down the suspicious feeling bubbling up in his gut.  He was clearly up to _something_ , but when was James Potter not?  Quirking a brow, he glanced sidelong at the other’s grinning face.  “I thought it was already late enough that you should have eaten.”

“It is, but Wormy and I were too worried to eat much.”  Pausing to chuckle quietly, James shook his head and amended his sentence.  “Well, I was.  I think Pete might have managed to eat enough for the both of us.  He has quite the problem with stress eating.”

“Too true, the poor lad,” Remus agreed with a sympathetic nod.  The boy in question was lazed in a large chair across the room, brow knit slightly, round cheeks pink as he blinked sleepy, half-lidded eyes back at them, a hand rested on his stomach like it might burst at any second.

James hummed in amusement, steering the two of them toward the exit.  “Besides, the elves make all the best things when you ask for them directly.  Where else can one get an extra stuffed hog roast bap within one hundred kilometers of here?”

Remus snorted derisively.  “Only because your idea of extra stuffed is using enough pork to fill nearly three sandwiches, and not a shop in England will oblige you without a few extra galleon.”

“Just so.  Which is why Hogwarts is the only logical choice.”

Throwing open the portrait, the two boys stepped out into the slightly cooler hallway.

* * *

 “So, Rem.  What does Amortentia smell like to you?”

Remus sputtered as his tea went down the wrong tube, covering his mouth with his only free hand to avoid spewing chamomile all over the place while he gaped at the other boy with widened eyes.  The lengthy coughing fit that followed did little to sway the innocent look on James’ face.  If anything, the prat only seemed to look mildly concerned, furrowing his brows and blinking perplexedly.  It was perhaps the last question he’d expected in the middle of their meal, and the suddenness of it put him instantly on high alert. 

“What,” he finally managed to choke out after a few stuttered breaths, setting his cup carefully back onto the saucer with his own forced air of nonchalance.  “That was… entirely random of you.”

James smirked, eyes crinkling slightly in mischievous amusement.  “Yes, well.  We haven’t much had the chance to talk normally since the class, what with yours and Padfoot’s disappearing act and the sudden bout of moodiness.  I was just eager to finally swap stories, is all…” his voice trailed off, finger tracing the rim of his glass of pumpkin juice while he stared off with a whimsical expression.

It was all he could do not to snort.

“You mean to gush, as I’ve no doubt what it was you smelt in your own potion,” Remus countered, knowing all too well the look James Potter exhibited when thinking about a certain red-headed witch.  That in no way quelled his unease about being asked that sort of question.  If anything, it was even more suspicious that the other hadn’t simply prattled on about his own discoveries, from the start.

Hazel eyes flicked back to him after a moment, a slow grin tugging at the boy’s lips.  “Well, then I won’t bore you with the details.  But what of you?  Anyone special showing up?  Or perhaps it was just the usual boring nonsense like paper and ink.  Surely with how often your nose sticks itself between pages, you’ve developed a certain love for the scent.”  His dark brows wiggled suggestively, and Remus had to physically restrain himself from rolling his eyes.

“Oh, come now, Prongs,” he chided in the same tone he used while wearing his prefect badge.  “As if I would even tell you were there some girl out there with whom I’ve grown fond of.  You know I have more couth than that."  He paused then, pulling an imaginary piece of fluff from his robes and flicking it onto the floor.  Amber eyes gazed at the boy unflinchingly, challenging him to push the matter further.  When the other slumped lower in his seat, clearly defeated, Remus cracked a wry smile.  "But, no, nobody, in particular.  Just the random smells like you’ve suggested.”

James hummed in response, placing elbows on the table and lacing his fingers under his chin.  “I see.  And pray, what are these scents?  If you don’t mind discussing them.”

Remus sighed heavily, wondering momentarily if it was even worth it to lie outright.  James was far more perceptive than most people gave him credit for, which was annoying whenever it came to lying to the prat.  Scratching the spot beneath his left ear, he conceded to an omittance of sorts.  “Chocolate and paper.  Grass.  Ink.  My favorite tea.  Nothing too noticeable or special, not that I’d been counting on anything more.”

“What do you mean?”

Furrowing his brow, he shifted uncomfortably in his seat.  Talking about these things was never easy for him.  “Exactly what it sounds like," he replied curtly, taking another sip of his now lukewarm tea.  "It’s not as if I’ve ever thought I’d be able to grow old with someone, what with my furry little problem.  That person would have to be daft to overlook such a thing, and were I to just keep it a secret, they’d have to be stupid not to catch on, at some point.”

"Not everyone is going to care, Rem.  We don't."

A sharp sound spilled past his lips; part amusement, part something dark and cruel.  Wiping tears of mirth from his eyes, he hummed low in his throat.  "And I suppose three foolhardy twelve-year-olds putting on a brave front are the norm for matters such as these," he asked, clicking his tongue distastefully when the other dropped his gaze sullenly in response.  "Come now, I'm not daft enough to believe that years of oppression and hatred are just the culmination of ignorance and biased fear, and that things will change anytime soon.  The Ministry doesn't allow my kind to live freely, Prongs.  It's a miracle they've let me get this far; I shudder to think what they'd do if I attempted to  _breed._ "

“That doesn’t mean,” James began to retort, but Remus cut him off with a scowl.

“Can we please not talk of this right now?  I’ve answered your question, let's leave it at that.”

With a stiff nod, the other boy fell silent, the only noise floating up around them from the house elves as they continued to clean up after the evening’s meal.  Conversation returned to the two of them after some time, but nothing so weighted as before.  Remus was thankful, at least James wasn’t one to pry.  Unlike a certain other raven-haired-boy he knew.

By the time the two of them made it back to the Commons, it was just shy of curfew.  Despite the long nap he’d had prior, his mind was still muddled, his limbs still heavy and aching for sleep.  Mumbling a quick goodnight to both of his roommates, he shuffled up the stairs once more, amber eyes itchy from overuse.

The cocoon of blanketed darkness was a welcome reprieve, even from the soft glow of candles burning gently in the room beyond his bed hangings.  The sheets were still deliciously warm from the last time he’d laid upon them, the soft scent of spicy cinnamon and heady aroma of wet earth rushing up to greet him as he-

His hand brushed against something distinctly living, causing all thoughts to flee his mind.  Bolting upright, he nearly fell from the bed as a strangled cry worked its way up his throat; until the realization dawned on him that Sirius was still fast asleep and he swallowed it back down.  Peering over at the other's handsome face, he noted the same strange crease between thick brows that caused his heart to clench painfully in his chest.

_Probably just from the cold._

Sighing softly, he rose from the mattress, shuffling over to his trunk to retrieve a knitted throw from deep inside.  After carefully draping it over the other’s curled form, he closed the hangings back up, crawled under the small corner of blanket not trapped beneath the boy, and shut his eyes.

* * *

 

_Padfoot ran swiftly under the light of the full moon, muscles burning with an intoxicating thrum, the thrill of the chase pumping adrenaline through his veins.  The forest was alive with sights and sounds, the trees themselves seeming to whisper their secrets as he raced by._

_All around him were odors he could only identify in his Animagus form, their signature traces indiscernible and too minute to the human nose.  Wet earth as his claws ripped holes into the dewy grass, a herd of deer off in the distance, the smoke from the fires that heated the school in the colder months.  And one thing else._

_He’d know this scent anywhere, could track its owner with his eyes closed, even hours later when the trail had all but gone cold.  It was engraved in his memories, locked into his heart like the blood that filled it with life.  The scent of the werewolf with a glowing amber gaze._

_It was the exact same aroma as the boy who typically replaced the beast, with just a hint of wet fur and a dash of something wildly untamed.  It sent a shiver through his body, ignited something feral and possessive in his very soul.  He wanted to find the beast, sink his teeth in and claim it as his own._

_Furry paws ripped their way across the cold earth, kicking up a torrent of fallen leaves all around as he closed the distance.  A howl sounded, the melody low and deep as it fluttered on the breeze down the path to kiss his sensitive ears.  Lifting his muzzle up to the starry night, he gleefully returned the call._

You’re not alone.  I’m here.  Always.

_The thick scent of excitement clung to the air, the taste of it heady on his tongue.  The beast was free tonight, the boy trapped inside of him would suffer less because of it.  Somewhere deep down, he too would suffer a bit less.  The beast’s happiness was his happiness.  If the wolf was pleased, the boy was happy.  It was his mission in life to assure the wolf was never displeased again._

Grey eyes cracked open as the pink light of early dawn trickled its way in a warm beam across his face.  He knew, without even sparing a glance about the place, that the bed he occupied was not his own.  The sense of calm he felt was too prominent, the scent of Remus too strong as he rolled onto his side and gazed wistfully at the serene look pulling softly at the boy’s still sleeping face.

A smile tugged at the edges of his mouth, arms disentangling themselves from the cozy knit blanket he didn’t recall falling asleep with to reach out and stroke a gentle trail over the curve of a single pale cheek.  The smallest smattering of barely-there freckles swooped their way across Remus’ strong nose, splaying out in an almost crescent-like shape along his milky skin.

Lashes fluttered lightly in response to the contact, a deep fan of wispy ink sweeping across the top of cheekbones as his brow creased an almost imperceptible amount.  A small sleepy hum drifted up from somewhere deep in his chest, lips pressing together as the werewolf swallowed visibly and nuzzled deeper into the pillow.

Images from Sirius’ dream swirled through his mind as he traced across the length of a sharp jaw, feeling the prickle of newly formed stubble grazing his fingertips.  The same possessive feeling he felt building in Padfoot’s chest was now mimicked in his own, that urge to conquer and claim and dominate pulsing in time to the slow thrumming of his heart.

 _What would happen if I made you mine_ , Sirius wondered as his fingers raked their way into messy locks of sandy brown hair, earning him another little hum of sound, this one a tad more alert than the first.

Remus caught his wandering limb with a burning grip, engulfing it fully as he dragged it down into the covers and tucked their hands snugly beneath his chin.  “That tickles,” he whispered, clearly realizing the earliness of the hour despite never once opening his eyes.

“Most people tend to shoo the offending person away,” Sirius replied in an equally quiet voice, trying his hardest to stifle the giddy laughter threatening to bubble up his throat as the other boy entwined their fingers gently.  “And then there’s you.”

“I’m keeping this as damage control.  If I don’t, you might just use it to further pester my sleep.”

Scooting a smidge closer, he gave the hand cupping his the lightest of squeezes.  “I find it both adorable and naïve of you to assume my hand is the only part of me that can disturb your slumber.”

Remus finally opened his amber eyes, brow quirking as his gaze went from slightly glazed to fully alert.  His lips twitched as he fought back a smile, and Sirius had to fight nearly twice as hard to keep himself from leaning in and licking a territorial line up the boy’s lush mouth just to prove his point.  “I could just kick you out of my bed, you know.  Then I could sleep without worry.”

 “Alright, alright,” Sirius relented with a breathy laugh, stroking his thumb across the other’s fingers absentmindedly.  “I won’t poke the bear.  Or werewolf, in this case.”

Closing his eyes back up, Remus hummed in amusement.  “See that you don’t.  They’re quite irritable when you awaken them before eight am on a Sunday.  They may even retaliate in a violent manner.”

“And what’s the best way to appease them, once you’ve angered one?”

“Copious amounts of chocolate doesn’t hurt,” Remus said with a small yawn, smiling softly as he shimmied a little bit closer, their knees now pressed snugly together through the thin blanket.  When he spoke next, his breath was a warm fan on Sirius' face, so sweet it was nearly maddening.  “It also doesn’t hurt if you find a way to distract them entirely from the situation, as you seem to be quite good at doing.”

“Distractions are indeed my forte,” Sirius murmured, expression besotted as he gazed at the boy with heavily lidded eyes.

“It helps if you know the werewolf personally, of course.  The closer you are, the easier it is to get away with far more than someone who is practically a stranger.”

“Makes sense.  And how do you know if you’re close enough to avoid said retaliation altogether?”

Remus chuckled quietly, the sound a lovely melody to his ears.  “They’ll put up with your shite even when you’ve been an absolute prat and forgive you for practically every daft thing you do, even as it goes against their better judgment.  But only if you’re extra special to them.”

Leaning forward, Sirius placed a chaste kiss on his friend's mouth, leaving it there just long enough to memorize the sensations.  The unmistakable scent of vanilla and cedarwood that flooded his nostrils, the taste of cacao and milk dancing across his tongue despite his lips remaining fastly shut.  Even the warmth seeping down into his very skin, like a miniature sun permanently embedded into his body for all time.  Everything about it was inherently and undeniably Remus Lupin. 

When he finally pulled back, Remus’ eyes were open wide, a storm of emotions flittering through them as his whole body stiffened in surprise. 

Sliding his hand away from the other's slackened grasp, Sirius brushed his fingers up along every inch of burning flesh available to him, from throat to cheek, finally ending on the pair of slightly parted lips that had yet to utter a single sound.  Remus didn’t make a move to pull back, so he dipped his head once more and repeated the process, a little firmer this time, grazing with his teeth softly until he felt the boy shudder in response.

“Do you know what Amortentia smells like to me,” Sirius asked in a low tone, drawing back just enough to catch the glimmer of hope dancing amidst the flecks of amber that had turned themselves to liquid honey and molten gold in his friend’s still slightly guarded gaze.

Swallowing thickly, Remus managed a small shake of his head.  “I haven’t the faintest.”

“Chocolate,” he replied with a smile.

“How very common of you,” Remus mumbled back with an incredulous narrowing of the eyes.  “Seeing as how most people enjoy chocolate to some degree.”

“And books,” he said, entangling their fingers once more and giving a gentle squeeze.

The other smirked in response, scooting away and repositioning his body so he was flat on his back.  “I suppose that is a little more specific.  Not many people enjoy those," Remus responded with a grave voice. 

Sirius hummed in amusement, rolling up onto his elbow and staring down at the boy with a predatory look.  Amber met grey unflinchingly, neither the prey he anticipated, nor the clouded confliction he'd feared.  Just clear and open and warm, with a hint of wildness shining deep down that set his soul aflame.  He drunk it in, relishing the feeling before he smiled once more and dropped himself tantalizingly close, uttering his next words against the boy's gently parted lips.  “And Cedarwood oil," he breathed, stealing away another handful of languid kisses, pleased by the fact they were met with equal vigor and enthusiasm.

“Oh,” Remus sighed after he’d finally pulled away and managed to catch his breath.  A pink hue dusted itself along his pale cheeks, eyes flicking down coyly.  The corner of his mouth twitched as he fought back another grin.  “Well, good luck with that, Pads.  I don’t think most women under the age of forty use cedarwood oil.”

With a frustrated growl, Sirius recaptured the other’s mouth with his own mid-chuckle, eliciting a sound that made his heart swell with joy.  “Guess I’ll just have to search elsewhere, then,” he mused, nipping playfully at Remus’ jawline before dragging his teeth down across the expanse of an exposed throat.

“I do suppose this is a good time to admit I lied when I said I couldn’t guess who my potion might smell like,” Remus said with barely veiled laughter in his voice, twisting his fingers up into locks of inky black hair.  "I knew, I just couldn't tell you that.  For obvious reasons."

Sirius pulled back, clicking his tongue distastefully in response.  “If you say James or Pete, I’ll hex you into next week.”

“Oh good, so I can admit it was Marlene McKinnon and not have to worry about all that.”

Before Sirius could retaliate in any manner, the sound of a hanging being thrown open made the two of them flinch in surprise.  Muscles stiff, breath caught in their lungs, they turned toward the direction of the sound and watched through the gap in crimson fabric with equally wary expressions.

James’ groggy voice hollered out into the awkward silence a moment later.  “Oi.  It’s great that the two of you confessed your undying love to one another, but as it is still six in the bloody morning, do y’think you could perhaps shut it or throw up a quick silencing charm for the rest of us?  We’re still trying to sleep, here.”

“Sorry mate,” Sirius called back with a snicker, at the exact same moment Remus groaned and covered his face with both hands. Relaxing once more, he stared down at the other boy and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.  “We’ll keep that in mind from now on.”

“Carry on then, chaps.”

Peeking through pale fingers, amber eyes flashed up at him.  “Planning on doing things of this nature again,” Remus asked, voice muffled by his palms.

Sirius smiled softly, pulling his wand from his trouser pocket and casting a wordless silencing charm.  Prying the hands away from the other’s blushing face, he traced his finger over the boy’s lower lip once more, enjoying the gentle shiver the action elicited.   “I think it’s safe to say I’m Siriusly considering it,” he replied cheekily.

“I seriously hate you right now.”

“I know.”

“Just so we’re clear.”

Wrapped up in soft sheets and a warm embrace, Sirius couldn’t think of anywhere else that felt so much to him like home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Could have made it longer, could have done it better.  
> I rewrote this bloody chapter 7 times and never quite liked it enough to continue/post it. This is me giving up.  
> I already broke the flow when I messed with and changed things around in the last chapter from what I was originally going to do. I've made it back on track, but I don't know if satisfaction and endings are ever going to be uttered in the same breath when it comes to me. I'm very picky. Perhaps this is why I write so much...  
> Sorry for the delay. This was meant to be posted last week, but I was waiting for a friend to get back to me with whether or not it was good enough. Then I got sick. Still am, but posting doesn't take using my brain. Well, much.  
> I'm just going to hide under a rock now and wonder why I keep trying to write fics if I hate ending them this much every time. >.<
> 
> P.s. the end?? Who knows. ;)
> 
> You can hit me up on Tumblr if you'd like, I'd love to post updates there if enough people seemed interested. - Cherrypie62666

**Author's Note:**

> Hit me up on Tumblr - Cherrypie62666


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